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July 20, 2006: "hello, i am here to take over the world"
everyone's worst nightmare definitely became a reality for me tonight.

the internet went down.

well, it's kind of like the worst nightmare, except probably without the worst part. and nightmare. at any rate, upon this discovery, i fetched the number of customer service, dialed, and spent the next eleven minutes talking about my internet troubles. to a machine lady. i felt like i was a kindergartener being chastised for eating the glue or something.

by a machine.

machine lady found it necessary to repeat everything twice and tell me it was okay for me to think about it for a few minutes. at two words per minute she spoke, "now, we will locate the four lights on your modem. some modems might have more lights, too - including yours, actually! and - do you see the four lights? don't worry, our concern right now is not if the lights are lit up, but - take your time. please answer 'yes' or 'no.' do not be rushed; you can take as long as you want."

i responded with the same monotonous voice, "why, thank you! i think i will take thirty more seconds to think if i see four lights or not." at which case the line paused for a moment, and then machine lady informed me that she did not understand what i just said and advised me to only talk to her and not to people around me because she can "hear everything."

and then i could have sworn there was a maniacal chuckle.

not only did this machine obviously kill the last human at customer service, she also expects me to devote all of my attention to her and only her.

no one likes needy machines.

025 comments

[sexy buns] Thursday, August 3rd

haha it scare me how many people comment you.

i think i have the sexiest buns out of them all

]
:O :( :confused: :blush: :crazy: :hehe: :rolleyes:

[Ali] Tuesday, August 1st

So - it's like an idea in progress!...
http://fullyfunctional.org/wordpress

[Mango] Tuesday, August 1st

OMG CONNIE. I need to confess. You noticed I havent been commenting you? I NEVER KNEW HOW TO LANCH THE BLOG. on firefox everything overlaps and im just like HMM. no blog? -.-" I AM PATHETIC.

Anyways. HECK my TV & Inet was down. Even if I'm not a fan of TV ..STILL!

heck i hate machine ladies / man. they record you but they dont take the time to actually take your call!

[Jodie] Tuesday, July 25th

Hahah shush about the FIVE things that I'm good at, lol. I get distracted easily :P I went and fixed it though so hopefully you're the only one who noticed my blonde moment, hehe.

xo Jodie

[Stephanie] Tuesday, July 25th

LMFAO.
yes, having no internet is like everyone's nightmare xD
needy machines :laugh:

[Arwen] Monday, July 24th

i responded with the same monotonous voice, "why, thank you! i think i will take thirty more seconds to think if i see four lights or not." at which case the line paused for a moment, and then machine lady informed me that she did not understand what i just said and advised me to only talk to her and not to people around me because she can "hear everything."

ROTF! I hate automated services like that. Half the insurance companies I have to call from work are like that, and I have to scream "representative" about eight different ways before the machine gets it.

[Jen] Monday, July 24th

Talking to machines is..irksome I think. And it always happens to me when I have to update my SIM card for my phone. I mean, how pathetic is "talking to a machine". But then, I suppose when you're not victim to their insinuating mechanical stupidity, it's rather amusing, like the comment in your encounter about how she can hear everything.

[Jodie] Monday, July 24th

Ahh one of my biggest pet peeves is automated phone calls!! I usually get so mad and just hang up or dial 0 and hope I get a real person!! Glad to see you finally got it fixed.

I tagged you on my page!! =) Hehe

xo Jodie

[Giselle] Sunday, July 23rd

My internet has died a few times over the years...but NEVER have I had to talk to a machine. That might quite possibly be...my worst internet-related nightmare.

[Dom] Sunday, July 23rd

Ooh I've never heard of talking to a machine. How clever. Although I'd probably like cuss at it a lot because I hate telephone enquiries. God. Anyway keep well =)

[Claudia] Sunday, July 23rd

I HATE it when the Internet is down. Usually it's just for a few minutes, once for a few hours. But it's not that often that long so it's okay. Not having the Internet available for days e.g. sounds like a nightmare, really.
Args, those machine ladies are ... annoying. Really. This one seems to be one of the worst ;-)

[becky] Saturday, July 22nd

lol i hate when the internet goes down..it blows!!!!!

i also hate the tech suppor..they are soo stupid!!

<33

[LAURENNN] Saturday, July 22nd

haha that sucks. my internet is on the fritz too.

omg iknow i was extremely happy seeing youuuu!!!! your so funny and adorable, i love you connie. and no it is not my fantasy. okay maybe haha. you should've brought a swim suit!!! but it was so nice talking to you. whenever i crack a joke, you're the only one laughing haha. loveyouuuuuuuuuu

and yes pictures!! i want them!

[erin] Friday, July 21st

i hate when the internet goes down, cause i'm so addicted to it, lol. luckily if you call support there's a person to talk to and not a machine.

[Jenna] Friday, July 21st

LMFAO, at all your posts ive read ive laughed, but this was the funniest. "have sworn there was a maniacal chuckle." LMAO.

Thanks for offering the help, but im actually almost there! *in shock*. Im using 1024 x 768 (or w/e) screen res x

[Angelina] Friday, July 21st

So this person lady was a machine, not a real human being? Damn. Wow. I would have gotten so pissed if thats how I was treated and it would have taken me so long to fix the computer, lmao. Dumb machines...

[Jenn~] Friday, July 21st

Hahahaha~ I totally loved your post, so funny. Yah, I hate those voice operated operaters, they never understand what you are saying. =___=;

[Brandy] Friday, July 21st

The internet going down isn't a good thing. You know whats even worse!? Having the power go out. The horror, oh the horror. At least with the internet going down, you have something to do, unlike the options available with no electricity at all.

[Brenda] Friday, July 21st

Internet service people sometimes ask the stupidest questions. I am using an ISP called Starhub, and speaking to their customer service personnel is just like speaking to the wall, because they never seem to respond properly.

Plus, they insult your intelligence by asking questions like whether the computer is switched on and whether the modem is plugged in. :/

[Nayana] Friday, July 21st

I'd hang up and call back lmtao to get a different person LOL I'll be like "The Problem is Fixed!" *click* And call back to get a more friendly technician. Lol I hate the bitchy ones that talk to you. I remember I once called Bell and the lady that transferred me was like 'OMFG I LOVE THAT SONG YOU'RE LISTENING TO' lmtao I was like Uhm thanks :D LOL It was funny. Friendly :)

But yes indeed that is the worst nightmare of them all =O But it's fixed cause you're here now ;)

[Dan] Friday, July 21st

HAHAHAHAHA!
Omg I'm literally laughing so hard. D: It hurts.

Oh my. I'd hate for my internet to go down, and then be forced to talk to somesort of robot lady?
D: How horrible.

[Deanna] Friday, July 21st

Haha it sounds like you and the machine had a good time :P I don't know why they can't just use a human being. How does a machine know what you are saying?

[Rei] Friday, July 21st

hello there, oh well, a least you got through the internet breakdown. welcome back! lol.

needy machines? of course nobody likes them. its pure irritating.

[Meredith] Friday, July 21st

Dear Heavens...what is this world coming to?! I used to think "Lisa" the automated Pizza Hut lady wqas bad, but she's nothing compared to that machine woman. At least she didn't make you feel pressured. lol. I'm guessing by you actually making an entry that everything is fixed now. =)

[Jake] Friday, July 21st

Ah, tech support is evil. I don't use the phone numbers anymore I deal with live chat support which I'm pretty sure is less than "live"... I wish they'd ask you how well you know your computer before speaking.... once the told me how to turn the computer on... (keep in mind I'm using online chat, on the computer to talk to them....wow.)
CONNIE! My harddrive is full of random junk including but not limited to massive amounts of old photoshop files & archived reports dating back to the 2nd grade. ...NOT PORN! But how about YOUR harddrive?? HMM???
:O :O lol, hm. I don't see how finding life on mars will help us. They'd probably get mad if we visited too often, and what if they were really annoying and kept calling us all the time and wanting to just talk. I think we should stick to earthly worries. Speaking of which, the penguins must be liberated and given homes in canada & alaska. Draw up some plans and send them to me soon.
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