i'm mad at you, united states postal service. not only are you late in delivering long anticipated mail, BUT I AM NOT CLAIRE. I DO NOT WANT CLAIRE'S LETTERS.
ESPECIALLY HER BILL.
I AM SO MAD AT YOU THAT I WRITE IN CAPITALS.
just look at what you have done. i am in ruins.
(to everyone else: happy last day of august eve!)
connie grabbed a duck on 083007 @ 07:57 PM EST
the king from the previous entry. let me tell you, he was definitely the king of the gifts table at the party (haha. puns).
and the party itself was pretty, too. i was a bit too preoccupied to go camera happy, although everything from the ocean and bonfire to the boardwalk was absolutely resplendent. i'll just link to the website instead: ocean place, whose photos are better than any i would take anyway.
the highlights included a giant cake and fireworks that lasted for about twenty minutes. they were below the moon and a happy sight, and it looked like the moon was getting blown up.
happy birthday, taylor.
connie grabbed a duck on 082607 @ 06:08 PM EST
i had a productive day today, of which consisted of some formal party gift shopping at CVS. remember in a previous entry where i asked for advice regarding the gift of giving? well, i didn't quite listen - give wine? what? in the world of giving, gummy bears prevail. actually, gummy bears pretty much triumph in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD.
it's not that i frequently rely on drug stores to solve my gifting troubles, but it was the most plausible establishment in the vicinity of the restaurant i was lunching at. i mean, there was a bagel world, but the party's tomorrow, and i'm not sure how stale bagels compare to this awesome, guitar-shaped coin jar with elvis's face i got instead. it towers at three feet high, and i'm pretty sure awesome doesn't even begin to describe it. if you turn your head a little to the right and have really poor eyesight, it loosely resembles an oversized beer bottle.
tell me, what is cooler than that?
so, today, i found out that the price of awesomeness is $12.99 plus new jersey tax. it's a shame i left the pseudo bottle of beer (PBB) at a friend's, but i hope i can snap a photo before the lucky hostess gets her present tomorrow.
and i originally titled this entry "tuna and gelato" in the prospect of writing about my experience holed up in a coffeeshop for many hours doing work (this being the productive aspect of my day), but i'm content with the story of PBB. however, said coffeehouse spells the cafe in its name with two "f's," and am i the only one who every so often pronounces it as if rhymed with taffy?
"shoppe" has the same effect on me.
connie grabbed a duck on 082307 @ 08:34 PM EST
i had a tad too much watermelon tonight, the idea surely reiterated with my frequent odysseys to the restroom. you would think i'd stop when nature called for a third time in twenty minutes (i'm ashamed, my bladder used to to have quite the brawns, but even bladder strength wears with age), but no. body thought it would be better trekking. okay, so admittedly, in reality, the bathroom isn't all that far away, but IT'S STILL A HASSLE. so, as i continued to appropriately devour the melons, this question also transpired: what's up with all the seeds? seriously, what is the deal here? we can blow the world up with a touch of a button and have yet to facilitate my eating endeavors by eliminating all seedful watermelon?
this world is effed up, man.
and i'm aware seedless watermelon do exist, but let's face it. they're not quite as sugary or saturated (which, i confess, can be a good thing, as seen tonight by my recurrent excursions to the potty), and i'm not willing to settle. i'm calling all scientists to halt all this saving the world mumbo jumbo, and i demand of them to make good seedless watermelon.
now. happy tuesday.
connie grabbed a duck on 082107 @ 10:43 PM EST
i guess i have more of a typical blog today... you know, something that chronicles my day, something for me to look at ten years from now, because i'm positive i'll be thinking, "what exactly was i doing around august 19, 2007?" well, connie of the future (second cousin to the ghost of christmas to come? i think so), this is for you. last night, you went to a party severely lacking in alcohol, which was emphasized throughout the night when you were forced to talk to the very same people that made summer great because it meant it would be a break from them.
yeah.
but today, you went to a barbecue in the rain. and on top of at last seeing one of your good friends in a month (a whole month!), you ate a lot of pretzels - salted. and pretzels (salted!) always compensate for pretty much anything. always.
and this talking to my forthcoming self is too weird, so i'm going to stop, and hope you all had a pleasant weekend. we know i did (pretzels!).
connie grabbed a duck on 081907 @ 09:13 PM EST
last night, my fortune cookie told me to seek professional help.
and it occurred to me that it sounds like i attack fortune cookies on a nightly basis in hopes of securing my future, so i just wanted to clarify: i don't. it's just seems to be regular practice to attack fortune cookies after attacking chinesepeoplefood. at any rate, after my fortune cookie told me "it's over your head now. time to get some professional help," i shot the audacious baked item a dirty look and proceeded to eat it.
and i hope it hurt.
and because i wasn't happy with the cookie, i ate another one, which told me "they will be grateful that you cared enough to make it." (which perhaps refers to my scissors and cardstock!)
that cookie was much better.
so, the moral of the story is: you should keep eating fortune cookies until you find a message to your liking.
my life is chockful of morals like this.
connie grabbed a duck on 081807 @ 10:34 AM EST
i was assigned to post the winner of the fifth annual for TFIMC, and here goes!
congratulations to entry #4 (!!):x: random: i should name my breasts y: ooh that could be fun. maybe it's finding a way to narrow down the field. b/c I mean first of all do you want them to have human names or something more descriptive like... shock and awe x: human names. like this woman on WNTW called hers fred & ginger. y: ok then do you want them to both have female names or would you want to couple them off like donnie and marie? ooh! mary kate and ashley! x: NO i'm not naming them after skinny scary twins OR BROTHER AND SISTER. WTF MATE y: ok, so luke and leia are out... x: what is WRONG with you. y: han and chewie? x: YOU'RE FIRED. y: ross and rachel x: SRSLY. FIRED. y: bonnie and clyde? x: ooh. maybe. y: no star wars either? b/c r2 and 3po would rule too x: they're BOOBS. MY boobs. Not your boobs. y: benny and the jets?
well done. although this year has had a deficit of funny people (seriously, where has all the funny gone in our messages of instants?), boobs are usually the way to go. bravo, indeed.
and my vote would have been han and chewie, all the way.
connie grabbed a duck on 081507 @ 07:49 PM EST
i've obviously (transiently) abandoned grabaduck to offer my philanthropic services elsewhere: scientific research.
clearly. after all, isn't it for that very reason we all undergo a minibreak from bloggage?
and, for your information, should i ever offer, do not allow me to assist in scientific research. you know those experiments we did in seventh grade that involved the daunting task of circumspectly dropping water globules onto a penny? those are, by far, the most difficult experiments you could ever ask of a thirty-year-old intellectual, let alone a thirteen-year-old, intellectually impaired girl! unless i'm the cadaver you're poking at in the hopes of advancing mankind, i cannot help, because i assure you that the only good i can contribute to the scientific climate must be when i'm dead.
in truth - yeah, i lied. i wasn't doing science - i finally digested the fact that august is here and resolved to stop fooling around ...that hasn't been accomplished yet, BUT i did clean my room, and now i can see the floor!! it's wonderful, really. and in the spirit of august and more procrastination to come, i actually have several festivities to attend these upcoming weeks - most of which are formal parties i don't really know how i got myself into. being not quite the best of friends with the hosts of these parties, i'm not really sure what to bring - i usually only give money when i totally forget about the party (which happens often), but i'd like to avoid that for these events. any gift suggestions? do you think money is the better option, rather than a failed attempt at sentiment?
on the bright side, i'm thinking of making the card. i'm a sucker for homemade cards.
SCISSORS AND CARDSTOCK!
connie grabbed a duck on 081407 @ 10:55 PM EST
i've been avoiding calls from work since wednesday because the head honchos are persistent in getting me to work more days. but they have to learn that as a citizen of the world, i have other responsibilities (read: i'm just too lazy and value doing virtually nothing all day rather than fiscal advances). i mean, respect my priorities (read: indolence), please? so, i had about twelve missed calls yesterday, nine of which were from work, and under three different phone numbers. seeing as this wasn't really the first time i've avoided work numbers, my boss, james, was accustomed to calling from different numbers, to which i've fallen for twice already. i got a call from a restricted number around 09:12PM (approximately, obviously), and i had my suspicions. HAH. you can't fool, me, james!
not for a third time anyway!
anyway, fortunately, it wasn't james, but an intoxicated friend. clearly, a common misapprehension.
PS: come on, SOMEBODY HAS TO BE FUNNY, OR BETTER BE BEFORE THIS SHIFT KEY DIES.
connie grabbed a duck on 080307 @ 02:00 PM EST
i've never liked bridges.
blame it on my trustworthy inner cynicism, but it was man's folly to believe he could safely transport one across waters by magic (moses had a better idea trying to part the red sea). and albeit this "magic" isn't so much as magic per se but more like something that has been supported with scientific evidence all the way back to the chinese (and lord knows that means old), it's still destructive. i've always been the one to immediately shut her eyes when approaching a bridge - it's a good thing i'm not usually the driver - because, you know, if you close your eyes, you're not on the bridge anymore... that's how it works, right? yeah, i thought so.
although i am entirely unfamiliar with records concerning bridge catastrophes, i still don't think these happen often. so i'm not exactly sure when or why i lost faith in these constructed overpasses, but i still wish i could fly. on a side note, restoring my confidence in bridges has been on my father's list of ambitions for years, next to convincing my mother to allow him to purchase his mercedes benz - both to no avail. this is probably due to his vocation of structural engineering for 235 years. he's usually the one driving that side glances to me while saying "for god's sakes, connie, open your eyes!" he speaks similar words when in the passenger seat, too.
geez, dad. just let your daughter close her eyes when shedrivespleases.
i don't like tunnels either.
on a totally related subject, think you're funny?
connie grabbed a duck on 080107 @ 09:54 PM EST
stalker(s)