grabaduck.com

1. i shared a large plate of nachos today.
2. then i ate half a plate of waffle fries.
3. then i took some bites of my hamburger with mushrooms.
4. they were good mushrooms.
5. and i was really full by then.
6. thirty minutes later, i was outside walking in the rain looking for a cafe so i could get some coffee.
7. but i was really just looking for somewhere to do my business.
8. but that’s not very noble, so i thought i would buy something.
9. because patrons can use the bathroom honorably.
10. so then i got a cupcake, too.
11. because my friend likes things with purple icing.
12. and also had to use the bathroom.
13. and later, i had some ice cream.
14. at an ice cream parlor.
15. now i’m really full.

damn, it’s so easy for me to write a children’s book.

by the way, it wasn’t really raining but more of a drizzling. i just think the moral is clearer if it’s raining while i’m looking for somewhere to pee.

my cousin’s wedding is coming up at the end of this month, and i’m really excited because that means i have to go shopping (as in, i must do it, and anything otherwise would be wrong). i stopped by the mall last week to browse the possibilities and decided to take photos, just so i could post them on here and ask for your opinions. oh, and i also e-mailed my sister the pictures and her replies were (first) “oh yes i do like them” (and right after) “this is what you do in the dressing room?”

… yeah.

i haven’t been to a wedding since i was a wee child (ok, i think i was twelve. does that still qualify as wee?), so i’m not positive on how appropriate these are. i question their formality, but my sister says they’re all fine.

i was twenty seconds away from ripping myself out of that first strapless dress (à la the incredible hulk) because i couldn’t get it off! for some reason, my chest likes giving me a problem nearly every time i want to go strapless, and i had to stomp around and jump up and down trying to slide that thing off of me, almost to no avail. i was honestly thinking about tearing some seams to get some reprieve, but i got really tired at some point, and with the dress bunched up all around me, i rested against the wall momentarily when i saw a sign that said the dressing room was being monitored by same gendered personnel for security.

aw, shit.

so then i was thinking how it sucks that i have to pay for a dress i only got to wear once in a dressing room because i am definitely going to have to rip it off, and the same gendered personnel was going to see this (after she witnessed my crazy tantrum, no less)… or i could call for help. but since my pride said that i didn’t need someone to help me undress, the only option left was property damage, clearly.

but because i was also taught that quitting is for the weak, i summoned one last burst of energy, and then i was magically liberated!

wow, i have enough brawn to get out of a dress.

what kind of superhero does this make me?