Archive for the ‘lark’ Category

see connie run

August 12, 2010 - 9:05 pm 17 Comments
  1. i shared a large plate of nachos today.
  2. then i ate half a plate of waffle fries.
  3. then i took some bites of my hamburger with mushrooms.
  4. they were good mushrooms.
  5. and i was really full by then.
  6. thirty minutes later, i was outside walking in the rain looking for a cafe so i could get some coffee.
  7. but i was really just looking for somewhere to do my business.
  8. but that’s not very noble, so i thought i would buy something.
  9. because patrons can use the bathroom honorably.
  10. so then i got a cupcake, too.
  11. because my friend likes things with purple icing.
  12. and also had to use the bathroom.
  13. and later, i had some ice cream.
  14. at an ice cream parlor.
  15. now i’m really full.

damn, it’s so easy for me to write a children’s book.

by the way, it wasn’t really raining but more of a drizzling. i just think the moral is clearer if it’s raining while i’m looking for somewhere to pee.

hidden cameras are so tricky

August 10, 2010 - 4:43 pm 23 Comments

my cousin’s wedding is coming up at the end of this month, and i’m really excited because that means i have to go shopping (as in, i must do it, and anything otherwise would be wrong). i stopped by the mall last week to browse the possibilities and decided to take photos, just so i could post them on here and ask for your opinions. oh, and i also e-mailed my sister the pictures and her replies were (first) “oh yes i do like them” (and right after) “this is what you do in the dressing room?”

… yeah.

i haven’t been to a wedding since i was a wee child (ok, i think i was twelve. does that still qualify as wee?), so i’m not positive on how appropriate these are. i question their formality, but my sister says they’re all fine.

dress #1 front

dress #1 side

dress #2 side

dress #3 side

dress #4 side

i was twenty seconds away from ripping myself out of that first strapless dress (à la the incredible hulk) because i couldn’t get it off! for some reason, my chest likes giving me a problem nearly every time i want to go strapless, and i had to stomp around and jump up and down trying to slide that thing off of me, almost to no avail. i was honestly thinking about tearing some seams to get some reprieve, but i got really tired at some point, and with the dress bunched up all around me, i rested against the wall momentarily when i saw a sign that said the dressing room was being monitored by same gendered personnel for security.

aw, shit.

so then i was thinking how it sucks that i have to pay for a dress i only got to wear once in a dressing room because i am definitely going to have to rip it off, and the same gendered personnel was going to see this (after she witnessed my crazy tantrum, no less)… or i could call for help. but since my pride said that i didn’t need someone to help me undress, the only option left was property damage, clearly.

but because i was also taught that quitting is for the weak, i summoned one last burst of energy, and then i was magically liberated!

wow, i have enough brawn to get out of a dress.

what kind of superhero does this make me?