independence (2007)

At the outbreak of World War I, the United States remained largely neutral. The American government adopted an isolationist policy that the American people wholly agreed with. The nation helped others who asked for a hand, and they maintained reserve for those who didn’t. But today, nearly ninety years later, the United States has made a complete transformation. Through the years, the US has abdicated its taciturn role to assume the part as the global superhero. From extensive interference in Europe to contended involvement in Vietnam, the US has become the annoying mother of the world. And throughout this evolution, this mother has developed into a dumber, fatter, and more-wrong-than-ever entity.

Virtually the rest of the world looks upon this great nation with contempt. Whether it be the government or the citizens responsible for inspiring such sentiment, these foreigners have an exceptionally valid point. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

The average American likes big cars, big guns, and Big Macs.

He rejoices when he receives a comment on “Myspace” or “Facebook.”

He knows almost nothing about the 2008 presidential candidates.

He believes that Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, and Sports Illustrated suffice as legitimate news sources.

He was probably one of the 11.5 million cosmetic patients in the last year who was willing to trade in at least $10,000 to be more aesthetically pleasing.

He is probably incapable of locating Iraq on a world map.

He has probably driven into the ocean because he lets his Global Positioning System guide him.

He watches more than four hours and thirty-five minutes of television daily.

He thinks it is perfectly commonplace that actors earn tens of millions of dollars in one year.

He admires Tiger Woods because he made $111,941,827 in 2007.

He has a tendency of averaging an $8,000 credit debt.

He thinks that the American way is the right way.

The major shift in American priorities will soon become a permanent change if we remain passive. In the last century, Americans have begun to think more of themselves and thus parade this unsightly superiority worldwide. This movement is gaining momentum, but no one pays enough attention for effective deterrence. In every stage of these grievances, I have stood up and tried to affect change, but only to have these pleads fall on deaf ears. For too long, my peers believe I am exaggerating, and they think that only I can be like this, that only I can think like this – but that’s a great example of this problem. They think the little things don’t matter. They think if one person drops a piece of paper, then it’s only one piece of paper, and that’s okay. They haven’t heard the world isn’t just one person, and I can’t talk to this silence anymore.

This is a society I no longer wish to be apart of. I no longer wish to participate in this culture, where the universally accepted assumptions and rumors mentioned above are, often more than not, true – but they hold no veracity to me. I do not enjoy Big Macs every meal of my life, and I can carefully underline the platforms of the presidential candidates. I do not spend my life on the Internet, waiting for “friends” acceptances, and I drive by reading and deciphering a foldout map. I, therefore, as a representative of the more open-minded American race of average weight, am separating myself from these falsities. This is the way Americans ought to be, rational and unobtrusive. And for the support of this declaration, and with a firm reliance on the fate of America, I pledge my principles and my honor.

(i think this one might have coincided with my this i believe speech. though there was a time where i was just really annoyed with americans. myself not included, of course)