that’s kind of deep, man.

i’m also back in school, and i’m ready to annihilate this semester. trust me. even if getting all A’s this time around will barely dent my dismal academic past, i’m ready to give it all i’ve got.

ALSO, i wanted to add that the nice man who sold me a watch (the present my mother got me this fine birthday) a few weeks ago sent me an email today wishing a happy birthday. and hoping that i enjoy my watch. how nice! it kind of renews my faith in the congeniality of mankind …i hope he doesn’t have some kind of ulterior motive.

that would be sad.

(like selling me more watches or something. because that is not substantiation for the congeniality of mankind. that’s just someone who wants to sell me more watches)

(PS: i know this is categorized under quotidian, which is almost completely wrong. a birthday happens once in a year, but these thoughts i’m having are basically just me – something i hope i’m able to hold on to with each passing year, fragments of my identity)

(word)

and i haven’t been around a cat for awhile.

(note to self: laundry. it just might work.)

i wanted to send a december hello from california, where the temperatures are questionable, but the state’s charms never fail me. i flew out here from jersey on christmas day, which i initially thought of as meh because it’s christmas day – i should be toasty indoors with additional toastiness overflowing from the arrant fact of the birth of jesus christ (um, or something like that. i’m not actually christian). but instead i was breathed into the vast throngs of a public airport, where i was sad to abandon the prospect of the season’s first snowfall.

i did not anticipate for all three of new york’s major airports to be closed after christmas day.

so heck yeah, i sidelined that baby. score one to connie, and zero to force that might be trying to intrude on my winter vacation travels.

happy last week before the next year! enjoy the weather to the best of your ability, and a merry season to all!

but that was nearly nine hours ago, when the sun was still out and about, and now i’m sitting here, waiting in anxiousness to brave the great cold once more and trek a few hundreds of yards (!) to return to the warm sanctum of my apartment.

and then i’m going to order domino’s.

don’t tell anyone, but during my nine hour period of studying, i’ve periodically just left a large picture of domino’s oven baked sandwiches on my computer screen.

and just stared.

this last month was hard, in more ways than i can both describe and want to think about. but what it comes down to right now, at this moment here, is that i’m not as troubled as i have been in the last few weeks, or even in the last few days, and maybe i can even admit that i’m happy, at least for now.

(and sorry, since i’ve become a science major way back when, my writing has gone down the proverbial hole. and alongside this journey down said hole, i’ve really forgotten how to write lucidly. and how to use commas)

(but i could probably tell you about oxymercuration-demercuration reaction mechanisms pretty well)

(holla)

in more thanksgivingy news…

i’m thankful for having my family.

thankful for the people around me.

thankful for all of the guests who will come together tomorrow in good spirits and good health to collectively celebrate one twisted american holiday (seriously though, what the heck? it’s the anniversary of the slow destruction of native americans? and WE’RE GOING TO EAT TURKEY IN LIGHT OF IT?)

thankful for having what i still have; and thankful, maybe, for still being here, with what’s left of myself, in this life i’ve been given and attempted to build onto.

happy thanksgiving to all – i hope you can be with those who make you happy.

and good food.

yeah, those doughnuts were good. i want to add that they were miniature doughnuts, so eating however many i did probably amounted to one normal-sized doughnut, so this all sounds ok.

i can never seem to update consistently once school starts, so maybe we should shoot for a once a month goal for me. i promise though, i’m legitimately busy this year rather than truly lazy. for one thing, i have one exam every week until thanksgiving. this is no exaggeration! in the last two weeks, i’ve already taken my psychology, organic chemistry, and macroeconomics exams. on this thursday, i have physics, and then next week, i have my psychology exam again, and everything repeats. i didn’t know this once-a-week festival of knowledge was even possible, but …yeah, it’s ongoing. what the hell?

quick updates on my day-to-day life: i sleep moderately (but i think this will change to minimally very soon. probably this week. probably tonight); i study persistently (THIS IS NEW! i never used to study in my life but decided to turn a new leaf this semester. i’ve been seriously rethinking how i might prefer being out all night and morning and just letting my grades fall where they may over studying regularly though. really, the difference between a 60 and 90 isn’t always that big… numbers are numbers. though failing and passing might have very large distinctions…?); i work periodically; i eatttt a lot.

mm… doughnuts.

happy october, everyone!

the other day, my friends and i made a chicken pot pie because i told them that i’m awesome at chicken pot pie creation, and it looked like good pie weather – kind of brisk and cloudy outside, like the presence of a warm pie and its scent would make the day more satisfying. only just about right after we began preparations, the sun came out, and it got really hot outside, and i had to turn on the air conditioning because the oven was making things uncomfortably warm.

sigh.

and during the pie extravaganza, a fire alarm sounded right when one of my pots was slightly burning (a little char on string beans and carrots really brings out the flavor, you know), so i had to turn off all of the burners and oven and dally on outside… i think it was just a drill, and there were police officers in the area that came up to anyone to ask “are you from this building? did everyone from your apartment get out safely? ok, cool,” and then walked away. um? isn’t it your job to go in and check who may or may not be burning inside and/or dying from smoke inhalation?

…

pie!

my brother says my presentation needs work, but slices of pie are so 1800 grandmas. chicken and vegetable mixture with crumbled pieces of crust is the pie of today, my friends. welcome to the new age.

1. i moved into my apartment on monday night.
2. i forgot my pillow.
3. which a number of my friends and roommates also forgot!
4. but i also forgot my comforter.
5. which so far no one else has forgotten.
6. i also forgot a toothbrush.
7. but i did remember to bring like 593 different bags.
8. so i know what counts.

school life

1. my first class of the semester was a 3-hour morning lab for physics.
2. i had great difficulty adding integers in my head, but that’s what partners are for. adding integers.
3. i then had organic chemistry after.
4. there was even more organic chemistry this morning, and i was able to slowly recall what an electron is.
5. i major in pharmacy, by the way, and i like to tell myself that science can’t really be that important for my profession.
6. are you worried?
7. you shouldn’t, because really, what does science have to do with drugs in the human body?
8. (nothing.)

life

1. i’m very sleepy.
2. i still have three more classes for the day.
3. and i’ve made a pact with myself that i wouldn’t nap the first week of school.
4. the first week of school consists of only two days of classes for me.
5. and i think i might have to break that pact.
6. soon.
7. eating all of the cookies i stole (“took what i’m entitled to”) from the dining hall last night and then sleeping would make my stomach and me very happy.
8. happy thursday!

dessert = awesome stuff = i’m responsible for awesome stuff. QED by the transitive axiom of equality. i’m fully aware that this is why we should value mathematics.

let it be known that in life, i don’t usually follow rules and guidelines too faithfully because 1) spontaneity is the spice of life and 2) it’s easier my way. so in baking world, impulsively choosing to follow or not follow the recipe is not the greatest recourse if making something digestible is the goal. which, yeah, it is because digestibility = awesome stuff. and since i’m unbelievably prone to misfortune and mistakes, i decided to do a trial run so that come saturday night i don’t have to rush to a nearby grocery store for storebrand chocolate chip cookies because i’m pretty sure that if i leave this to the last minute, there’s a high probability that i’ll just manage to burn sugar, and i’m above serving burnt sugar.

recipes i tried yesterday were for cheesecake and cappuccino crunch bars, both of which i would recommend if you like cheesecake and bars of sugar. i will admit that my friend did most of the work, and my only major contribution was deciding that sifting flour can’t be that important, so there was no sifting of flour (which i actually think might be marginally important). my next major contribution was letting the cappuccino bars cool for about forty minutes instead of refrigerating for several hours, which just made things very gooey… probably because it didn’t cool.

but i wanted to eat them.

this is a bowl of granulated sugar and multiple sticks of butter.

this a bowl of granulated sugar and multiple sticks of butter with a crapload of brown sugar added on top of it. so, yeah, i was pretty disgusted while making this, because i was just staring at a bowl with several cups of sugar and sticks of butter. but then it became delicious, and my appetite decided that heart attacks are overrated.

this is the cheesecake, naked. i think eventually there will be some form of chocolate on top because chocolate wins. i don’t know, or maybe sliced fruit will make the fact that it’s essentially cream cheese + butter less artery-clogging-inducing?

just to clarify, i don’t do dance.

lately, i’ve been working on soaking up the abating remainders of summer – which is hard work, trust me – but today i woke up towards cloudy skies and a raining outdoors, and it’s like the weather was demanding a lazy sunday. so NO, i will not do laundry today because cleanliness wasn’t meant to be – as per the decision of the clouds, of course. who am i to say no to the weather?

i have about a week until i revisit university life (or it revisits me, rather, because which one of us asked for class to start september 1st?). but right now, i most look forward to walking to class on fallen leaves in brisk nights with crisp air, where i can finally enjoy, again, the idea of hot coffee and warm soup, of hot cider and hot chocolate, and of all other warm liquids that promise to, and strangely enough, succeed, in warming my body and my core. it’s something that comes once every year: that feeling, and those moments – and they don’t ever fail me.

i can’t wait until a winter day, on a sunday morning, where i wake up and see taxed gray clouds waterlogging all that’s outside, and i decide to roll over, and sink further back in the comforter as well as in my slumber, because i’m cozy and secure where i already am.

how do you feel about beach with WRONG PERSON? ha. remember you can say no!

and i then went about with my business when i got this text back:

ummm… think that was supposed to go to PTWSTG

aw, come on. i seriously sent that text about wrong person to wrong person? in reality, i don’t think what i said was that awful, but it definitely could have been… nicer. wrong person had called me earlier instructing me to see if PTWSTG wanted to hang out with us, so he was game for including her, but any views about having me there have probably shifted since seeing that sketch invitation… ugh. i’m so silly.