x: oh man there's a KY warming lube commercial on
x: apparently that shit burns, but i have that second hand
y: you have second hand KY?
x: NO!
y: gross
x: one sec
y: woohoo
x: almost said one sex
y: lmao
x: and you'd of been like "just one?"
x: you know, i was thinking the other day
x: because i saw several EPT commercials
x: and like HOW COME THEY'RE ALWAYS 1. PREGNANT, AND 2. HAPPY ABOUT IT?
x: wtf, why don't they have EPT commercials for what it's really like?
x: GIRL: *pees on stick*
STICK: *not pregnant*
GIRL: OH THANK FUCK. GOOD GOD, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
y: how about this?
y: "TEENAGED? THINK YOU'RE PREGNANT? BUY OUR TEST! IT'LL ALWAYS COME UP NEGATIVE, *EVEN IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY WITH CHILD*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
y: FOR THOSE MOMENTS OF RELIEF
y: BOYFRIEND PRESSURING YOU? USE ONE OF OUR TESTS TO SHUT HIM UP
y: IF YOU ALSO BUY OUR "MIND OVER MATTER" KIT, YOU MAY ACTUALLY MANAGE TO CANCEL OUT YOUR PREGNANCY THROUGH SHEER POWER OF BELIEF
x: *dances like an appendix*
x: *leaps and springs*
x: *twirls*
x: *is forcibly removed under accusation of appendicitus-causingness*
x: *SHRIVELS IN A JAR*
x: the end
x: that was my impromptu ballet
x: i devised it just now
x: it is called The Life Cycle of the Useless Organ
x: I heard a great joke today
y:ok...
x:what do you get when you drop two drums and a cymbol off the top of a roof?
y: noise and a busted drum?
x:oh...well maybe.
x:now you ruined the joke.
y: oh...try again. i'll do it right this time.
x:ok, what do you get when you drop two drums and a cymbol off the top of the roof?
y: I dunno....what do you get?
x: bu-dum-chhh
y: I don't get it.
x: I guess it only works in person. oh well.
x: do you like the wondrous pink lid on the box
y: yes
x: i stole it from the cupboard
y: it was difficult to open
y: english tupperware must create a tighter seal than american
x: yeah that's why we're better in bed
x: find me porn
y: okay
y: nope, sorry, there is none
x: you didn't look very hard
y: neither did any of the guys i checked out for you
x: the thing was, Nan was there when I was watching titanic
x: and he and the girl on the other side of me kept talking to me
x: like, "OMG, Do you think those BODIES ARE REAL!?"
y: wtf
y: YES THEY REALLY DROWNED ALL THEIR EXTRAS
y: NO NEED TO PAY THEM NOW! HAAHA!
y: FIENDISH!
x: DIABOLICAL!
y: BRILLIANT, JAMES CAMERON!
y: YOU ARE A MASTERMIND!
y: he was so sitting there going LOLOLZ I ROXORZ
x: twiddling his thumbs
y: cackling
x: spitting on Jack's grave
y: yes, james cameron
y: you saved probably 60 whole pounds
y: THAT ONE WOMAN YOU DROWNED, JAMES CAMERON
y: SHE NEEDED THAT £60 TO FEED HER FIVE CHILDREN
y: WHERE ARE THEY NOW? IN FOSTER HOMES
y: CURSING YOUR NAME, JAMES CAMERON
